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confronting him

Chapter 3

The stench was unbearable… she looked around but there was no one in that huge godown… It started getting dark…then there was a whirling noise… the shutter opened and the black vehicle arrived with masked men. One by one they all stepped out of the car in slow motion… they started moving towards her and she started to step back… she moved till her legs hit something…it was a cot. She fell on the cot and they laughed the noise booming in the exaggerated acoustics of the godown. The noisy clatter echoed through the area and vibrated inside her skull… before she realized one of them pushed her down further on the hard bed and started tearing off her clothes. She wanted to screamed physically stop them but she could do nothing…she struggled but she couldn’t move… why couldn’t she move… will her savior come this time? Who was shaking her now? Someone was calling her out her name… Preeti….

Preeti… Preeti…. Wake up… look here dear…” someone was calling her. Preeti opened her eyes and sat up with a jerk as her head pounded. Clutching her head she looked around… she was in her flat. What had happened?

She looked up and saw the tall man from the elevator walk in towards her hurriedly from the kitchen. She should have been scared but she wasn’t. It was as if she had known him for ages. She didn’t even question him being in her house. She accepted the glass of water he offered. It was then she actually saw him… he was much older to her. Strong oval face with overnight stubble…almost bald but the most striking feature was his eyes…they were her favorite and familiar in shape but they were brown. Not the same blue which had stood out in her dreams… ended her nightmares with a sense of calm. But the browns too had a similar effect on her.  Even now as her breathing slowed towards normalcy, she sipped the water and looked at him. He was staring right into her eyes. There was some sort of uneasiness in them….something she felt he was trying to convey. She was lying down and slowly adjusted her position on her couch in her living room while he sat on the opposite chair across her. His stance was rigid and he appeared tight with tension.

“Nightmare?” He asked her in his deep baritone.

She could only nod, her insides still trembling with the after effects of her dream.

“…Um… what happened…in the elevator…?” she asked softly.

He stood up with hands in his pockets. He had worn a pair of black jeans and black t shirt with a black leather jacket with huge collars that could be raised up to cover his ears. He looked away as he said, “… you fainted in the elevator. I got you home…”

“…Th…thanks… for everything…for all these years…”

He suddenly looked at her and once again averted her eyes.

Drawing in a deep breath he said, “I…I will take your leave now… You are alright. I have heated milk from your stock in the fridge and cut few fruits … do take them. You should be fine…. And… don’t EVER skip breakfast…”

How did he know that?

“…Wait…” She said startled. “… Don’t go please… don’t leave me…” She realized what she said and covered her mouth with her palm, her eyes wide.

“… I… HAVE TO GO. Take care…” He said firmly and turned to leave.

She gathered all her strength and rushed towards him. She held his hand… his strong and hard hands. “pl…please… don’t leave… I can’t take it…any…anymore… Pl…pleeese…”  Her last word was almost a whisper as tears rolled down her cheeks.

She saw him breathe heavily. He stared down into her eyes his jaw rigid she could see a muscle ticking. She couldn’t read the expression spanning his facial contours… Suddenly he held her by the shoulders his fingers digging into her soft skin… She must have grimaced and he suddenly left her looking away. She instantly regretted it…she missed his touch.

“…You don’t know me Preeti… don’t know me at all…” he growled softly…his breathing still erratic… as if he had run a marathon.

“… I want to know you then… I have waited for twelve years… I…I… know you have been watching over me in Alwar and for a while in Mumbai too…” He gave her a sudden glance and she nodded and continued, “… I could sense it… I know when you are around…”

He moved aside from where she stood and started walking towards her main door.  She rushed towards the door and stood with her back to the door facing him. “..No…I won’t let you go like this… Please… I…I want some answers… don’t… don’t go…”

“…move-aside-Preeti…” He said in a low commanding tone. The look in his eyes was molten enough to melt someone.

But Preeti was unfazed. She didn’t fear him. He had to know that. She shook her head. “…Sorry but I am not letting you go this time… I just…I want to thank you…please just stay for lunch… its pouring heavily anyways…”

In a flash he moved very close to her… his body barely touching hers. He was breathing down her face. She looked into his eyes. His beautiful eyes were filled with turmoil… she had the urge to kiss it away… suddenly he caught her hair at the nape of her neck… she gasped as he tightened his hold and pulled… making it painful but she didn’t budge. He was breathing heavily. Gripping her jaw with his other hand he slammed into her mouth. He wasn’t a patient man at all… and she didn’t expect him to be either. He was rugged and rough which was visible in his tight hold over her….literally and figuratively as well. He devoured her …the pressure of his mouth on hers as if he was trying to flatten it…she pushed her head back and opened her mouth welcoming him inside as he plunged into her softness. He explored her mouth. She felt the heat rising inside her as their tongues clashed. Her nipples had peaked and were extra sensitive as her chest touched his hard torso. She lifted her arms and touched his chest… gathering his lapels in her palm. His other hand now held her hip and pulled her towards him as he started to grind his erection against her flush. She felt heat radiating from his body and seeping into her though their clothing…she wanted to feel him. She pulled him further towards her…but suddenly as if something snapped and he realized what he was doing he moved away with a jerk releasing her… There was look of horror on his face. They both stared at each other panting heavily. He shook his head and turned away his back towards her rubbing his hand over his face. She felt the sudden emptiness…again. NO…this time she wasn’t letting him go. She didn’t know where she got the courage from…she hugged him from behind, holding his torso tightly and dug her head in between his shoulder blades.

She felt him stiffen and then slowly soften. He released her hands and turned towards her again.

He cupped her face gently with a look so tender that she leaned into his palm. He rubbed her cheek bone with his thumb and said, “Preeti… I am not who you think I am… I just… I am a BAD person… what you have seen is just the tip of the iceberg and only the good stuff…..”  He touched their foreheads and spoke ever so softly. “…You deserve much MUCH BETTER… someone who can worship you…someone who can respect and love you…cherish you… and… and I am not the one….”

Preeti covered his palms on her face with her hands and said, “…I don’t want to know anything anymore… I am…living today breathing this air only because of you… The only reminder of THAT incident… is the nightmares I get… but I can cope up with them because you…YOU are there …always there at the end of it… YOU…you are my silver lining…”

“…NO…NO…NO….” He yelled and pushed her away. He was angry. “… Do you think life is so easy? Life is not a bed of roses….there are thorns in fact most of it is thorns… you don’t have a clue of the real world …ok? You just…. Fancy an image of someone who saved you once…. Preeti…get out of the fairy tale world. Get a life….”

“…I don’t want a life… YOU HEARD ME….?” Preeti was now openly crying. “… I don’t want to know anything. All I know is that incident and the events following that were enough to last me this lifetime… I…i… agree I have an image of you…but… but… trust me…” her voice cracked. “…trust me when I say, that image is my tonic for living…. I would be dead long ago otherwise…probably would have killed myself. I knew you were around somewhere keeping an eye over me. It helped me sail through those years in Alwar before I left the place…. So… So don’t tell me what I must do… You want to leave isn’t it? GO…go away or should I say… Run away?”

He looked at her with his eyes burning fire. His stance totally rigid with anger. “…. You are playing with fire Preeti…” He said through clenched teeth. “… You will burn to ashes… Stay away from me.”

Saying he strode towards the door.

“I am going to Alwar for a while.” Preeti declared.

That had his attention and he stopped and turned around.

He came back and held her shoulders again. “What? Why? Are you crazy?”

 She shrugged his hands away and said, “Alwar…is my hometown. Its six years now…I haven’t seen my folks…”

“…You shouldn’t go back to Alwar… You should make a good life here…”

“…you don’t get to advise me anymore…. I will go wherever the hell I want to…”

“…GO anywhere but not Alwar… its…its…dangerous….”

“…Is it? Then pray tell me why… why is it dangerous? The man who vio… violated me is dead… you saw to it…”

Without warning he held her lower jaw and pushed her towards the wall. He pressed his body against her and whispered, “Why do you have to make this all about your goddamn ego? When I say it’s dangerous…IT’S DANGEROUS.”

She pushed him away with all her might but barely managed to create a little distance between them.  “EGO? Ego…is this what you think… this is all about? I … I was violated…for God’s sake… lost my little brother and a very close family like person in that incident… NO ONE…. No one cared about me after that… I was the victim but had to bear the brunt of the social stigma. My folks were only too happy when I left. I had to give up everything. My childhood memories, my cousins, my school friends…my …my mom… and you say this is all about my EGO….?” She covered her face and started sobbing… She hadn’t cried so much after the incident but today the dams broke. She was in his arms the next moment as held her against his chest and rubbed her back. She wailed holding his jacket tightly… her gut wrenching sobs tearing through the apartment.

After a while, when her crying bout subsided he kissed her forehead and said, “… Preeti… I didn’t mean to hurt you… it’s just… you have been protected from the nasty world back there.… its horrible and dangerous… if nothing, the memories will be triggered again when you go back.  People may be unwelcoming…. I mean…”

“…then explain it to me…. Um…whats your name, by the way?”

He shook his head and she saw a hint of a smile… “ It’s Gautam… Now listen to me please…. Some things are best not revealed. I know you are brave but there is only so much a person can take… For God’s sake don’t go to Alwar…”

“…Okay…I won’t go…but on one condition….” She said a smile playing her lips.

“What is it?”

“… I want to see you again… tomorrow…” she looked at him with pleading eyes.

“…i…I don’t think it’s a good idea… I am a stranger for all you know…”

“…Gautam, You are closer to me than anyone I know… you know me inside out… I…I want to know you too…the man who saved my life and …my honour…”

He looked at her intently, war going on in his beautiful eyes. After a moment he nodded. “…Ok… “

“…Awesome… come home for dinner tomorrow? I will cook…”

“Ok…ok… I will be here by … 7PM tomorrow… alright with you?”

“Done.”

Preeti was thrilled. She finally was getting to spend time and get to know the man whom she had only dreamed about in the last twelve years.  Would he answer her questions? Would he really be the man of her dreams? She never had a trustworthy relationship all her life… would he be the one… her permanent?

Copyright Disclaimer: All content posted here is a work of fiction and original work based on the author’s imagination. There is no intention to disrespect any person or faith. Any resemblance to any person living or dead or any community is purely coincidental. No part of the content can be copied, reproduced or posted anywhere else either entirely or in parts, without the consent of the author.

And… they meet again

Chapter 2

Preeti got out of the elevator on the sixth floor which housed her office. The building was a giant structure a commercial one by a real estate giant. She had heard about them in Alwar as well. No… she wouldn’t think about Alwar today. She took in a deep breath as she strode into the wing where her office lay. Her subordinates would soon be joining her. She always reached early. Actually she had nothing else to do in her empty apartment.  But here she felt lively. As usual she offered her prayers to the idol of Lord Ganesha at the entrance and went to her cubicle. She knew she had about half an hour before her colleagues would start trickling in. She looked around and stealthily switched on her tab. She used it only for one purpose for last three years…. for news from Alwar.

 She hadn’t visited Alwar after she left the place six years ago and for about last four years she barely had any contact with her folks back home… if she could call it her home.  Guess it never was. Rewa didi her paternal cousin who was close to her when they were growing up used to call once in a while but for a couple of years now she barely WhatsApped her.  Preeti knew Rewa didi had a boyfriend. It was considered a taboo in their misogynist household. Her paternal uncle was an older version of her father who loved their daughters in a way that suited their convenience. They belonged to the archaic school of thought where girls in the household were not permitted to study beyond twenty years of age. They had to be married off. She had 2 older paternal cousins who were married before they were twenty one. They had grownup kids too and apparently were happy in their households. They rarely visited Alwar. Preeti’s family was Rajput, originally from MP. They had then migrated to Alwar two generations ago. Her father and uncle had their family owned diamond jewelry stores. The women at home were never told about the business details but Preeti was very perceptive as a child. Even before she had left home she knew the business was not doing well.  That was probably why Rewa didi was still unmarried at twenty nine. She too could easily escape the brunt because of the same reason. Otherwise they were capable enough to drag her twenty six year old ass back home.

Preeti was good with numbers and had started dabbling in the stock market for last couple of years. She had made quite a bit of money which was a major part of her savings now. In fact last year she had hit a jackpot when the white elephant on whom she had put her money gave record returns. She had a safe nest egg for future use. She hoped to help out her family someday but knew her father would never accept her help.  She would cross the bridge when she came to it… For now she opened up the Alwar news page. As she scanned the usual news about some political parties, climate and other miscellaneous stuff she yawned… but then her eyes fell on a sub headline and her heart skipped a beat…

Sengar Diamonds Pvt. Ltd to launch jewelry line…

She read the article twice to check if it was about her family. Yes, it was. Yashowardhan, her only male cousin was to helm the functioning while her uncle was the Chairman and her father the Managing Director. It was always the same. The brothers had hoped their sons would follow their footsteps and take Sengar diamonds miles ahead. Yashowardhan  was almost as old as her… while if Rohit would have been alive…. She shut her eyes overwhelmed with emotion like it did everybtime she thought about her deceased brother. Twelve years had passed but her wounds hadn’t healed. Even going away from Alwar hadn’t helped. But as always the masked man with blue eyes replaced the memory and calmed her racing heart. She said a prayer of thanks to the Almighty for her life and continued to read the article. She wanted to know how they could manage to set the jewelry line worth crores when a few months ago they were to declare bankruptcy. She had to talk to Rewa didi.  Before she could reach her phone it buzzed with an incoming call. She smiled as she saw Rewa didi’s name flashing on the screen.

“Think of the devil…. I was about to call you….”

“…There’s… some…something I wanted to tell you… I…I don’t know… how to …say…” Rewa was sobbing.

 Preeti sat upright. Why was Rewa didi crying? “… Didi… what is it?…. why are you….”

“…Just listen …. Ok…?”

Peeti didn’t say anything. Just waited patiently for Rewa to calm down. But she was worried about her sister. Rewa didi, unlike her, wasn’t strong headed. She was docile and often bowed to the demands of the family. Maasa disliked Rewa because Dadusa  (their paternal grandfather) passed away immediately after she was born. Preeti’s thoughts were broken when she heard Rewa speak.

“…My… my marriage has been …fix…fixed…”

Preeti didn’t know how to react. Did their family accept her boyfriend Suyash? He was not only a little younger to Rewa but also didn’t belong to their community. Preeti didn’t know anything beyond the fact that Rewa and Suyash loved each other and were going steady for last 5 years.

“….Won’t you ask who is the groom….?”

“…Who Didi? Who is the lucky guy…?” Preeti tried to humour her.

“… I DON’T KNOW…. You get that? I fucking don’t know the guy…” Rewa started to sob again.

Preeti was now silenced… she had never heard Rewa didi swear… she was a goody two shoes girl…

“Calm down Didi… tell me everything.” She tried to console her sister.

“… Our family has arranged my marriage to the highest bidder… do…do you understand? They wanted to save their fucking business so they sold me off…”  Rewa wailed.

“Didi… what are you saying….”

“…Preeti…please come up here… PLEASE… I beg of you. I…I need your help… I love Suyash… I can’t marry some asshole….” Rewa pleaded.

“Didi… you know I can’t come there. Tauji and Bapu won’t like it…”

“…No… in fact they will be happy to project the complete family image… See… I …I need you here…”

“Ok…Ok… when is the um… wedding?”

“… Two months from toady… Please come ASAP….”

“That’s a long time….”

“…PLEASE Preeti… come soon… or ..or I will….”

“… OK fine… let me talk to my boss. I will get back to you after I book my tickets… But tell me…”

“… hey I can’t talk anymore… I hear Maasa’s footsteps….bye…

Rewa ended the call. Preeti was lost in thought as her colleagues came in. The rest of the day was spent immersed in work and the lunch party but Preeti couldn’t focus.

Something was not right. She was supposed to be unaffected but couldn’t help the pangs of homesickness… She missed her mom, Rewadidi, Maasa and some of her aunts who lived close by. They doted on her when she was growing up… till Rohit came along. Then everyone’s attention had shifted to him. He was the apple of their eyes and the torchbearer of the future generation.  Yashowardhan and Rohit were to take their business to new heights. It didn’t matter that Yash was interested in music and not business… and she wanted to be a part of the business. Sadly it didn’t matter to anyone. In the Sengar household elders dictated the fates of the children. 

“Hey Preeti…boss is calling you in… I think your intercom isn’t working…” Someone called out to her getting her back to reality. It was good that her boss called her… she had to speak to him anyways. She had a lot of leave piled up and a month of it wouldn’t matter. She would delegate important projects to her subordinates and supervise everything online from Alwar. She knew her hometown now boasted of hi speed internet facilities. But as soon as she entered his cabin her boss looked at her with a grim expression.

“Take a seat Preeti” he said.

Oh this didn’t sound good. She had never seen her boss like this. What happened to the chirpy man?

“..Um… All ok sir?” she asked softly.

“Well… Preeti the company is downsizing… you know our last quarter wasn’t good. The board of directors wants to shut down our branch because it’s not profitable….”

“WHAT?” Preeti was stunned… this was a morning of blows.

“Sorry… dear… we …I mean… we all will be losing our jobs…So… I suggest you start looking for something else. You are super talented… and I will give you a good recommendation letter…”

“No…No sir… this company has been like my second home…all of you are my family…. I have given my six years to it… We can work out…”

“…Preeti you don’t understand… It’s …it’s not in my hands… I just got the news today. Next week one of the directors will be coming here to personally deliver the letters to us… till then…please ….don’t tell the others… “ saying he looked away.

Her boss suddenly looked much older to his age. The gravity of the situation suddenly sank in. Preeti tried to contain her tears but it was difficult. She wasn’t bothered about the money. She had enough to last her a lifetime of comfortable living.  But it was this family that she would miss. She couldn’t go out like that… her colleagues would demand to know. She took in a deep breath to compose herself.

“Um…sir… I would like to leave for today…. Please…. I will get the reports done at home and email them to you…” Preeti spoke with her throat clogged.

“…Fine… Take care… are you ok…?” her boss seemed very concerned.

“…I…Iam fine…fine sir… I need some time…. Also it’s pouring heavily… My area is sure to get water logged….” She was rambling

She excused herself and left the cabin. Her subordinates were upset that she was missing the birthday party… but they were all asked to leave early because of the rains so everyone was distracted. She used this opportunity to gather her things and rushed out of the office premises. They were a young fin loving crowd and she knew they wouldn’t be leaving anytime soon. The elevator doors were about to shut when she rushed and put in a hand and the doors opened again. There was only one other person in the elevator which was headed downstairs. She didn’t bother to give him a second look. She never usually did… She was so engrossed in her issues; she suddenly got jolted out of her reverie when the lights went off…. The elevator jerked to a halt and was plunged into total darkness. Preeti was scared out of her wits. She always dreaded darkness…after the incident… Her breathing became labored. She couldn’t make a sound; her vocal cords felt choked…

She felt a hand on her shoulder. She knew that touch… Oh Good Lord…. Was it….. She stood still…

“Don’t worry ok?  Help will arrive soon. Stay calm….” He spoke in the same soft voice…but a little heavy.

She wasn’t scared anymore but stunned would be an understatement…

She managed to say “D…D…Dark…. S…s…scared…”

The hand on her shoulder patted her and he said, “What hurts you, blesses you, darkness is your candle… Don’t fear it…you are brave… stay brave…”

She turned towards him in the darkness. She only saw a silhouette.  She touched his arm… it was still the strong toned muscle…  Suddenly the lights came back and the elevator started to move. She saw him… without a mask. And his eyes were brown. What the hell. But she could recognize him without any other physical clue anywhere. More than everything, the feel of him being around, something she couldn’t miss at all. Her tall stranger, her savior was definitely here.

“It’s you….” She whispered before she collapsed into his arms.

Copyright Disclaimer: All content posted here is a work of fiction and original work based on the author’s imagination. There is no intention to disrespect any person or faith. Any resemblance to any person living or dead or any community is purely coincidental. No part of the content can be copied, reproduced or posted anywhere else either entirely or in parts, without the consent of the author.

Who is he?

Chapter 1

Twelve years later

…He held her down the stench of his foul breath making her want to puke… he held her wrists above her head and pressed her body down with his weight on top of her. She wanted to move but she was … paralyzed… she just couldn’t. . She wanted to cry but her throat was … she couldn’t make a sound…  Then he bit her on the shoulder and there was a ringing sound…..

The shrill ring of the alarm jolted her out of her disturbed sleep. Preeti looked down at her sweat drenched camisole, breathing heavily. She touched her neck as a habit…every time she had the nightmare. She felt the roughened skin the only physical reminder of the terrible experience years ago. Twelve years hadn’t dampened the pain every time she had the nightmare, horror revisited in her mind. The fact that she had been violated immediately got her deep hidden emotions spill up to the surface. Tears fell as she recounted the ordeal… she had lost her brother, a loyal employee of the Sengar household, Sukhi uncle and almost lost her virginity to the monster or monsters… she wasn’t sure how many were there. But she actually had a faced a lot of irrecoverable losses… She was the victim… but she was blamed for her brother’s death. Even today she shuddered remembering her father’s words twelve years ago…

She was in the hospital moving in and out of consciousness. They all had thought she was in a coma but she could hear every word they spoke whenever she wasn’t zoned out.  

Soft sobbing… it was her mother… her docile mother who always bent over the whims and fancies of a husband with a primitive mindset. But why was she crying? Her daughter was alive… that means… did something happen to Rohit?

Suddenly there was a hush in the already silent hospital. She knew before she heard his voice, it was her father.

“Enough Priyamvada…”, his voice had boomed in her skull. “… You are needed elsewhere. The rites have to be completed.  You have to come home now….” His voice chocked in between. He sounded tired. What rites was he talking about?

“…I can’t lose her… Can’t lose anymore…” Her mother’s soft voice which always acted as a balm to Preeti’s wounded heart was creaking…

“…. Priyamvada, we have lost our only son… Rohit was supposed to take the lineage ahead… I wish it was him who had survived…. Common don’t waste any more time here. The doctors will care for her….”

She had heard the shuffling of a chair and movement. What just happened? What was her father talking about? Rohit… was no more? And… did he wish she were dead instead? She wept…

She remembered being lonely… in her room. No one visited her. Neither her parents, maasa (her paternal grandmother), Uncle , aunt nor her cousins… What was her fault? Just because she had survived?

She felt the hot tear on her cheek… though she couldn’t open her eyes yet. It was then she felt some presence in the room. For a moment she feared if the monster had returned to finish off what he had started… But then she knew it was him… even before he spoke. She felt his heat as he came close. He touched her cheek to wipe the tear away. He came close to her ear and spoke softly, “Don’t worry… I have got you. That bastard was taken care of… No one will harm you anymore. Not now…. Nor, in the future. I promise…” Anxiety left her body and her heartbeats got their rhythm back. How she wished she could see him… her savior, her hero, her…. her heart galloped threatening to get out of her chest but for a different reason now. So this is what it felt like? At his mere touch? The hidden Mills and Boons novels in her room back home had talked about love…was it like this? But she didn’t even see him or know him. For once in her life someone really cared about her besides her mother. For once someone fought for her… but why? Who was he? She could only remember his lovely eyes as she drifted off to sleep.

She struggled to open her eyes but failed miserably. She didn’t know how long she remained in the hospital but she felt his presence daily. He moved her arms and legs which were gradually healing from superficial injuries. He kept talking to her. He told her she had to get blood running well in her limbs. He told her stories of people she had never heard of who had bounced back from coma. She wanted to scream her lungs out that she could hear him…. Feel him. Every day before he left he would kiss her forehead… She realized she waited for this moment eagerly.

One fine day, she wasn’t groggy anymore. She opened her eyes and saw the ceiling. She knew she was in the hospital. She looked around. She realized she had been moved to slightly sitting position by elevating the bed. She was sure he had done it as a part of his treatment for her. Her room was tiny. Her body was sore but she felt much better… she wanted a sip of water… she tried moving her hands. She could only manage to move her right hand fortunately it was close to the side stand. There was a paper cup filled with water and a straw. She took it with trembling hands and slowly got it to her mouth. It felt like she had forgotten to sip… but she managed and the first sip felt like heaven.  It was then she saw him. He was in the dark corner of the hospital room. She only saw his form. He was wearing a hoodie with hands in the pocket. But she could feel his stare.

“Welcome back to the world Preeti…” He said softly… causing her heart to flutter.

She tried to smile but every little movement was an effort. She placed the paper cup laboriously in her still left hand and raised her right hand gesturing him to come close.

But he turned around and said, “I am done with my job here… you are fine now… I wish you the best in life… your folks will be here soon once the doctor informs them…”

Oh no… he was going away? And she hadn’t even seen him… she wanted to thank him. She struggled to say, “w…w…wa..it.. Pl…ee..ease …” She was panting with the effort. He halted his steps towards the door of her room.

He stood still with his back towards her. He adjusted his hoodie over his head and turned around.  He slowly walked towards her bed, her anticipation raging high… but he neared her bed and she was shocked to see only his chin with his day old stubble. The dim light in the room didn’t help things either. He looked young.  But she couldn’t make out for sure.

“Wh…ay… h…ave… y…ou cover…ed … you…ar… fa..face…” (why have you covered your face)

He didn’t speak anything. Just stood at the foot of her bed with hands in his pocket.

She realized he wasn’t going to speak on this topic… She just said, “th…thaaank..you…f…ff..or e…ev..ry…thing…”  She was panting with the effort on every sound and syllable she was uttering.  He just nodded in reply and was turning to leave… she knew he wouldn’t wait. There was only one resort. She hated herself for it but she didn’t have a choice. She grimaced as if in pain and clutched her stomach… “aaaa…aaaa… it… hh….urts…”

As expected he rushed towards her and held her shoulders. “hey are you alright? Is it painful? Let me call….”

She grasped his hand with her right and struggled, “…no…no…. please…” She felt everything slipping away and the void in her heart expanding. The sand was slipping out of her hands. She lost it and everything she had sheltered in her heart broke the barriers. She started to sob. He sat on the edge of her bed and turning towards her, held her to him.  She hid her head in his chest. She cried her heart out. She cried for her brother who couldn’t see his ninth birthday, for Sukhi uncle who lost his life for no fault of his and… for her plight… an unsure future. She had missed her board exams she was sure of it. She had been here for a long time.  As he rubbed her back, she moved her right hand and touched his chest. It felt like stone… the man must be hitting the gym religiously she thought… But he quickly stood up and turned away…  “When you light a candle you also cast a shadow…you are a brave girl…stay brave… I… I will take your leave now… your parents will be here shortly. Have a great future… Stay away from any controversies and at the earliest finish your studies and get out of Alwar….”

She tried to argue but he continued, “…Don’t tell a soul whatever happened there….just say you don’t remember anything….you were beaten up…that’s all…. NOT A WORD…. if you want to stay alive. The man who touched you is dead but there are others…. So shhhh….” He gestured her to keep quiet.

Before she could comprehend what he said, he was gone. She knew she was going to be fine. She also knew that was probably the last she was seeing him… she didn’t even know him… but why did it feel her heart just got trampled upon?

Today…

Preeti sighed… she had to get up from the bed and get going with her routine. Otherwise she would be late for work. Six years in Mumbai and she was still not used to the traffic… and to make things worse, it was monsoon.  It was raining cats and dogs. She loved everything about Mumbai, except the horrible travel time and the rains… Her area always got water logged.  But somehow she felt safe here…in this locality. Her building was occupied by families and they were against a single woman staying in their building. She remembered arriving one day in the initial week of her stay and her house owner was in a war of words with her neighbors over evicting her. She was scared…not knowing where else to try. She had always thought Mumbai was liberal in its thinking but here there were rules… Rules which said a single woman can’t take up rented accommodation in a family housing society. Strangely the next day everything was settled to her utmost surprise and it was four years and no one bothered her again. She never socialized and kept to herself. Except for a smile here and there no one spoke to her. For last two years she had that feeling of someone watching over her. It wasn’t there when she had lived in a PG accommodation on arriving in Mumbai. But she had that same strong sense when she was in Alwar, after the….incident. It was no different in Mumbai. But it never irked her. She felt safe. Somehow she felt he was around somewhere, her guardian angel as she fondly remembered him.

Professionally she was grateful the city had welcomed her with open arms when she had landed here with just a computer diploma. She had taken up a small job and gradually rose up in rank. Today she was the assistant team leader in her company. She smiled as she remembered it was a colleague’s birthday today and all of them were going out for lunch. That meant she needn’t pack tiffin for herself. She made a mental note of the things to be done today and strode out of her bedroom. She tried to feel happy but like always the emptiness in her heart refused to go away.  The same void created when he had left her hospital room years ago… She had always felt it but it was stronger whenever she had the nightmare.

You are a strong girl… his voice always echoed in her ears and gave her the needed strength to pull through the day whenever she was low.

Today was yet another day and she had to go through the motions yet again. She walked into her kitchen… the only vision in her mind this time was the stubble chin under the hoodie…

Copyright Disclaimer: All content posted here is a work of fiction and original work based on the author’s imagination. There is no intention to disrespect any person or faith. Any resemblance to any person living or dead or any community is purely coincidental. No part of the content can be copied, reproduced or posted anywhere else either entirely or in parts, without the consent of the author.

prologue

Prologue

The car jerked to a sudden halt, arousing her from her little nap. The sharp pain on her forehead drew her out of her daze. She grew numb with pain so bad it gave her flashes of light before her eyes… She felt something trickling down to her cheek. She moved her fingers to touch it… when she saw it was red liquid… wait… it was blood…her blood. Panicking she looked on her side. Her brother lay sprawled on the car seat. His neck bent at an awkward angle…

“Ro…Rohit….” She called out frantically.  He didn’t move. She wanted to shake him but as she moved her left hand a searing pain shot through her blinding her again… she was sobbing now unable to bear it and more than that, unable to rouse her brother. Sukhi  uncle… their driver should be able to help… yes… why dint she think of it before?

“Suk…Sukhi uncle?” No response. She was sitting right behind the driver’s seat. She wiped her cheeks with her right hand and moved forward to call out aloud. Sukhi uncle did have a problem with his hearing. He denied it to everyone especially her father. But she knew. She was a keen observer. She touched his shoulder from the right side and he plunked sideways falling on the side gear. Oh my God…his face was covered with blood from what she could see.  Was the accident that bad? She looked around. Which place was this? It looked like some alley. This wasn’t enroute to their house. Were they still in Alwar, her hometown? She was openly crying looking around through her blurred vision trying to make sense.

She hoped this was a nightmare and her mother would soon wake her up… oh ma come soon…wake me up soon….

It dawned on her. They were returning from school. She had gone specifically for her hall ticket. Her board exams were coming up in two weeks. She wanted to study literature and history…. Her brother Rohit studied in the fourth grade.  She had stayed up all night yesterday completing her maths revision. Understandable she had dozed off as soon as the car had started. 

Oh God…Rohit….

She touched her brother with her right hand bending over him. But he didn’t move nor did he flinch. She had to call a doctor… for that she had to get out of the car. She had to find a pay phone somewhere. What kind of people lived here?  Did no one hear the accident? She was barely sixteen years old but still she had tried to force her authoritative father to let her learn to drive. But he hadn’t allowed her. “Driving is not for girls…” he had declared. Such an archaic mentality …she huffed thinking about it. She heard some sound which made her look towards the front window. It was then she saw it was cracked with a hole through it… oh God…it was a bullet hole. She could recognize it any day. She had seen such cracked windows on the backside of their Haveli where her cousin brother, father and paternal uncle practiced their shots. The rest of the family wasn’t allowed there in those moments.  It was customary that they all….the men knew how to shoot. It was symbolic of their manhood. Though she knew her cousin Yash Bhaisa  hated all of that…

 They were…shot at?

Her heart pounding she heard them before she saw them… they were five men. All were tall and sturdy wielding guns. They were walking towards the car in long strides. Their faces were covered. What must she do? Were they the ones who shot Sukhi uncle? Before she could think the glass on her side of the passenger window was shattered and something hit her head. Her vision blurred before she could registered anything and she was plunged into darkness.

The place stank of foul meat. Her cook Budhia kaki often screamed at the maids for not cleaning up the left overs well. “The place will smell later… of rotten meat… then maasa will kill me you lazy girls…” She would always yell her standard dialogue. She smiled at the memory but her face hurt. Why were her lips dry? She felt parched too.  She couldn’t open her eyes. Something covered them. She wanted to touch her face. But couldn’t move her hands… wait… her hands were tied? Her legs were tied too… but why? It was then the series of events came back to her. She was returning from school along with her brother in their car like every afternoon. She had dozed off… and then there was an accident which had woken her… no… not an accident…

“Wake up princess…” said a hoarse voice.  She tried to wriggle in panic but pain shot up as if her body was on fire…  Suddenly rough hands dragged her on the floor and dropped her somewhere on the floor itself. She smelt cheap smoke. The kind the low level workers in her father’s factory smoked. She despised it…it made her throw up like it did now.  Her blindfolds were removed and she squinted to one side trying to shield her eyes from the sudden onslaught of light.

She tried to speak…her voice hoarse… “ where …where is Rohit…?”

She just heard chuckling before her. She strained to see… she saw a silhouette of a man smoking.  “…m…m… my brother… Rohit… is he okay?”

“Just answer the damn question, princess…”  Why was he calling her a princess?  “… Where is the damn locker containing the map?”

He had to be kidding.

“What?” she asked surprised.

“I won’t repeat myself…princess… don’t test my patience. I don’t have much of it remaining…. Where is the locker containing the map?”

“Wh…what map? I…I really…don’t know what…” before she could complete the sentence she felt a blow on her cheek and she rolled on the floor with agony…

“One last time…. Where – is – the – bloody – map…”

 She kept crying louder this time. What did he want? What map was he talking about?

 She felt the kick to her abdomen and she curved inwards screaming with excruciating pain… another kick and she couldn’t even scream. She tasted blood in her mouth and spilling outside her bruised lips. She was going to meet her creator soon. Oh God take me away… I can’t bear it anymore..

Two pairs of hands lifted her and dropped her on what felt like a bed. I Her hands and legs were untied.  Her entire body throbbed and she could only see darkness…what was happening? Were they killing or ….

She shuddered at the other possibility.

She felt the bedding sink next to her and the man had come closer. His face was covered in black mask. She couldn’t even see his eyes in the dark. He came close to her face smelling of the acrid joint he had just had. “I told you to give me an answer but looks like you want to be adamant. What I had heard about you was right. princess… you are stubborn… now let’s see if you can take this…” with a flash of a movement he tore open her school uniform blouse. She tried to move her numb hand to cover her chest but before that he ripped apart her skirt. She laid before him in her slip….trembling with anticipation of the untoward.  He bent over her and licked her lips. She held them glued to each other numb with pain. He laughed his breath on her face and she looked away… He bit her shoulder and she cried but no sound escaped from her throat.  Within the next second he tore her slip away as if it was a mere rag. She shook her head from side to side trying to mover her limbs as she lay sprawled in her inner garments.  “No…no…No…please…no…” She tried to speak but the words came out in whispers. She felt a rough hand on her flat stomach and move upwards and she winced in pain. She was nauseated and tasted bile. He held her breast and fondled it hard through her bra. She was heavy chested and the pain of epic proportions shot through her senses. She tried to slap his hands away… But he only put his weight on her. As she tried to yell he brought his mouth on hers and bit her lips…

The next moment she felt light as the weight lifted off her and heard a crash. She shut her eyes tightly in fear.. She heard some thuds and cracking of… bone?  There were grunts and the man was swearing out aloud.  But it appeared that he was at the receiving end of the blows. She was so terrified she didn’t want to look in the direction of the fight or whatever it was…  She was close to losing consciousness with the agonizing throb of her body…

Suddenly there was silence and someone threw a cloth on her. She saw someone bent over her touching her…

She frantically tried to slap the hands away..

“shhh… Wait… you are safe… said a hoarse voice… I will take you out of here…” The breathless voice sounded close to her ears…

She stopped moving. The man wrapped her in the bed sheet and lifted her in a fireman’s carry. He took her out of the hellhole.

He ran outside what looked like cull de sacs of varying proportions… but she was hanging upside down and could only make out the myriad confusion in the routes. Soon she saw light…. Something she never thought would ever happen.  He put her down in a car on the back seat and straightened her. Her eye lids were swollen. But through the slits that she could manage to open them, she saw him… he was masked and covered with black body suit… she couldn’t make out much except for his eyes… beautiful  blue  eyes…which pierced through her sharper than the pain which was a constant with her now.

He looked away and shut the door. He took the driver seat and drove them out of that place.  The entire ordeal had taken a toll on her and she fell into a deep sleep.

She woke to the beep of a machine. Her body was not under her control…nor was her voice. She tried to open her eyes but they were stubbornly shut. She heard voices… someone crying softly. Was that her mother? All she wanted to do was rush to her and hug her… she would never be rude to her ever again… was her father there too? Was Rohit Okay? She had wanted to ask the good guy about him but sleep had claimed her before she could. She felt her body shudder with the reminder of what had transpired… She was a strong girl. Maasa always said, she was the strongest among all the girls in the house.  Was Maasa here too?

She had a lot of questions… she wanted to thank the masked good guy too.  He had saved her life and… her honor too…

She was slipping into oblivion again but this time all she saw in her mind was the beautiful  blue eyes staring right back at her….

Copyright Disclaimer: All content posted here is a work of fiction and original work based on the author’s imagination. There is no intention to disrespect any person or faith. Any resemblance to any person living or dead or any community is purely coincidental. No part of the content can be copied, reproduced or posted anywhere else either entirely or in parts, without the consent of the author.

When Breath becomes Air

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Author: Paul Kalanithi

When Breath Becomes Air is a non fiction, autobiographical memoir written by Paul Kalanithi.

Kalanithi was in the final year of his residency in neurosurgery in Stanford Universtity when he experienced symptoms of rapid weight loss, severe back and chest pains. The initial X rays revealed nothing, putting to rest his health concerns. However towards the last few months of his residency, the symptoms returned with a vengeance and he was diagnosed with a complex form of lung cancer… terminal stage. The book portrays his journey following the soul shattering diagnosis and how he went through different stages of emotions. To call this book an emotional roller coaster would be an understatement.

kalanithi often gets philosophical and his fluid writing is influenced by the fact that he was a literature major before getting into medical studies. He has wonderfully penned the doctor- patient debate where this time he was on the other side. He mentions the empathy that developed within because of the situation he was in…

The epilogue is written by his wife Lucy Kalanithi post his demise. It mentions her first hand in-depth experience with diagnosis of terminal illness to eventual bereavement and then the following grief. It is also an ode to her husband who was the epitome of strength and bravery.

The book keeps the reader glued till the end where emotions run wild… A must read.

Available on Amazon,

Charade

pretence all over….

Hamlet said to Ophelia, ”God has given you one face, and you make yourself another.” The battle between these two halves of identity… Who we are and who we pretend to be, is unwinnable. “Just as there are two sides to every story, there are two sides to every person….

who really was Gautam K ?

read on…..

                         Charade

As I lay on the hardened ground wanting to die

My body all but abandoned to eternal agony

My heart waiting to take up the flight so high

Where distress could just not touch me……

 

My body lay meek and violated

I saw him in my mind’s eye

My heart was hopelessly swayed

I wept asking why me… why?

He kissed away my tirade

I felt cherished and protected…..

 

As I showered him with accolade

The mask on his face started to blur

The face not withstanding my relationships brigade

For him, my heart yearned to flutter….

 

So finally I am set up to take the flight..

The doubts on my heart heavily weighed

Will I be unscathed alright?

Or is this all yet another charade?

                                                               Priya Nayak-Gole

 

    Honour Bound

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    Author: Sandra Brown

    Sandra Brown is one of my favourite authors and Ilove her romance suspense series. However this one is an out and out romance.

    Lucas Greywolf is a Indian (the community in America which is different racially) who escapes Prison with just 3 months for his sentence to end. He enters Aislinn Andew’s home when she isn’t there and eventually takes her hostage As Aislinn knows Lucas more having spent time with him, she is in awe of his brilliance and how he has defied all odds… and why he was running away from prison. One thing leads to the other and she is pregnant with his child. The rest of the story is how they convince each other that they cant stay without the other and that their love for each other conquers every obstacle in their path.

    Being a die hard Sandra Brown fan, I was a tad disappointed. There was no suspense element as such and the story too in the later half was a little drag by her standards. Looking forward to other thrillers from her….

    Available on Amazon

    Stories in a Satchel

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    Author: Shyamala Shanmugasundaram

    Simply stating, this is an out of the box kind of story, rather a collection of stories.

    A young man Tanna who is soon to be married stumbles upon an old satchel belonging to his late postman father. It contains undelivered letters dated ten years ago. He decides to post them presumably in order to get a sense of closure for his mother…. and himself though he despises his father.

    However he doesn’t have a clue about the storm triggered in each of the recipients’ lives. What happens when the letters arrive a decade later in each of the 26 people’s lives? Would their lives been better or worse? That is in fact what the story all about. Simple write up but drives deep into your heart.

    Coming from Ms Shyamala who happens to be prize winning Children’s author, this is a must read.

    Available on Amazon.

    The Silent Patient

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    Author: Alex Michaelides

    Review:

    In one word if the book has to be described…. its intrigue.

    Alicia Berenson leads a so called perfect life with her Photographer husband Gabriel. Alicia is a gifted artist. But in addition to what meets the eye there is a lot of depth in her paintings which makes her a class apart. That perhaps is also the crux of the entire story. The story is narrated by a psychotherapist Theo Faber.

    The plot is about how Alicia killed Gabriel in cold blood. However the next six years of her life are spent in total silence in the Groove, a secure forensic unit in London. She had been hidden from the prying tabloids after she became famous post the crime.

    The author has woven the track so well connecting different dots across different layers that you are bound to it from the beginning and the end….. well that is the best part of the book. It riles you as you are caught totally unawares.

    Though the book comes under the thriller genre, I would classify it as a well researched psychological study. Brilliant portrayal of the characters’ psyche is what is most appealing.

    A must read…..

    Available on amazon.

    The Advisory Board

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    Author: Hemant Joshi

    Review: The Advisory Board is a tribute to the taxi drivers. At one time they were the heart and soul of Mumbai. But today with the increasing traffic and influx of app based competitions, they are slipping into oblivion. However the author has taken up this unique concept and woven up the narrative around it. The protagonist starts hiring the cab service after his personal car is rendered useless after an accident. He is depressed since after his wife’s death and because of his plunging tourism business.

    The protagonist starts conversation with the taxi drivers, initially by chance and later since he gets genuinely intrigued. He takes us through their lives and attitudes and solutions for problems as they see it. Somehow every time he speaks to the driver he gets an insight and a trace of solution to his own set of issues plaguing the business. Eventually, the story is about how he changes his mindset and develops a positive attitude and confident decision making skills.

    The take home here is irrespective of the dark clouds of life troubles hovering above our heads there is always a silver lining. All that we need at times is someone to open up our blinders. Here the taxi drivers did just that and the protagonist was open to ideas which only favoured him.

    On the flip side, the narrative does drag in some places and also sounds preachy in some others. Editing should have been better. Like use of inverted commas for dialogues is used indiscreetly in some places so the reading flow gets halted. Baring few syntactic errors its a good read.

    Available on Amazon