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Prologue

Prologue

December 2016, Mumbai

The strobe lights blinked into his uncomfortable eyes as Anshuman scouted around to check out for anything familiar. His informant ‘Jhatka’ had emphasized he would get what he wanted to know today… Some titbit about Meera…his little sister. It was over five years now he had last spoken with her. Was she here…? In this shady nightclub in this reprehensible corner of Mumbai…? Oh, how he hated this city… apparently it never slept. Today being New Year’s eve, it was bursting at the seams as callous people ventured out to celebrate. He never understood why would someone want to squander money over trivial celebrations when life had so much to offer… so much more meaning. How could someone celebrate when a thousand others lived in misery…?

He looked around squinting his eyes. He had never been to nightclubs in ages. It never interested him anyway. Not after Meera went off the radar. As he saw the semi-naked women gyrating on the poles in their shimmery nothings, a shudder passed through his body… was Meera…? No… she wouldn’t… she couldn’t dance at all. Despite the smoky darkness and ear-splitting music, he couldn’t help noticing drug exchange. Gosh, those guys were barely out of their teens and they were already stoned. Was Meera too…? No, come what may, she didn’t do drugs… But what if she was forced to…? No, he wouldn’t go there. He would be positive, he told himself. He walked towards the corner and peeped to see a corridor. Probably it housed the rooms for the after-party rendezvous if the blatant solicitation by half-clad girls in raunchy makeup was anything to go by. He coughed as he inhaled the smoke let out by some asshole passing him and covered his face. He cringed at the very thought of Meera being caught in this hellhole… Was she pushed into flesh trade? He knew she had made a lousy decision on getting married. But still, was it possible…? He had heard horrendous stories about the redlight areas and how women serviced men out in shady clubs like these. He almost threw up thinking of Meera soliciting… No… She wouldn’t…Oh God. He hoped and prayed those were just wild thoughts.

He walked through the entire perimeter stumbling often on some zoned-out druggie but finally got pushed towards the dance floor. The crowd had swelled and it was getting on his nerves as the stenchy cocktail of sweat, drugs, booze, and sex wafted through his nostrils wanting to make him retch. He had barely slept for two nights in anticipation of finding out something about Meera. But this looked like a hoax as well… he had hit the dead-end yet again.

As he turned to leave his eyes locked with a set of naïve doe eyes glittering in the sparkling hues of the dark disco. She pranced towards him, her sensual swaying catching him unawares. She had covered her head completely revealing only those mesmerizing eyes. The dance number changed from rock to a romantic number and the people gathered there, slowed down. It was then he saw she had worn a figure-hugging lustrous dress reaching up to the knees of her never-ending legs. She was tall with a good built, unlike those anorexic gals he had seen all this while. Determination shone in the depth of her beautiful orbs and she looked like a woman on a mission. She sashayed against him as she looked into his eyes and something churned inside him. He was instantly hard. He wasn’t a monk but it was long since he had got laid. He never had the urge to, given his constant preoccupation with finding Meera. But this woman… there was something different about her. Like him, she didn’t belong in this shitty place.

Trying to keep his libido in check he asked. “…What are you doing in this place…?”

She chuckled though he couldn’t hear in the cacophony of murmurs, shouts, and blaring songs. She shook her head and spoke. “…The same… what you are doing…” She ran a finger on his lapels. “…by the way… I am Angie…”

“…I am… An…Andy…” he didn’t know why he fibbed but he was transported into another world. “…I am… looking for someone…” He surprised himself. But he was desperate by the minute.

“…aren’t we all… looking for… someone or the other…?” She uncovered her face and spoke moving to the song that had changed. He laughed at her comeback even he couldn’t take his eyes off the lovely patterns of shadows on her pretty oval face. The shining nose stud enhanced her Indo western fusion look. He was bewitched by her smile showing a perfect set of teeth complementing the beautifully arched brows that completed her symmetrically alluring facial features. Soon they began to chat about non-topics. They were both animated using gestures more than talk given the crazy dissonance around them. Mostly about the zombies around them and how they were wasting away. He realized she knew a lot about drugs… scientifically and she knew a lot about the law as she showed him underaged kids who had faked their way into the club. He was mesmerized as she spoke with breaks over the music and a little dance here and there, as to how rules were ruthlessly broken. The passion in her eyes was palpable and he being a sucker for rules, got carried away by her aura. He wanted to keep talking to her…What on earth was she doing in that club anyway…? Was she alone…? She had to be, else she wouldn’t be with him.

He felt light-headed after months and joined her dance trying to match her movements. He lost track of time and his surroundings. For once he didn’t feel guilty about shaking a free leg without worrying about the consequences. He didn’t know when she had snaked her arms around his neck and her perfume had engulfed his senses. The next moment he slammed his lips to her willing softness and they kissed like there was no tomorrow. He was ravenous as he feasted on her plump lips even as she let him explore her wetness. It was electrifying… the atmosphere, the noise, and the pliant softness in his arms. The next he knew they had moved towards a room. He couldn’t see much in the dimly lit space. There were few aromatic candles lit but the ambiance was a dampener with the plaster peeling off in corners of the wall where the water must have seeped in. Overall it screamed of poor maintenance, probably just a getaway for quickies. The bed in the corner had seen better days and he saw spots on the cover, the origins of which he didn’t even want to know. 

But as the woman undressed finally revealing her toned body slithering on the bed, he was a goner. She had the beautiful Indian features now that he observed and that nose stud…? Wow… it was a feather in her splendorous cap. As she lay bare on the crappy bed with her luscious hair fanning her face, she looked like a beautiful lotus surrounded by the gorgeous leaves and the filthy waters didn’t matter.

He hadn’t seen a beauty like her before…not that he had looked that much. Intelligence sparkled in her kohl-laden eyes and it looked as if she wanted to tell him something… rather… confess. He saw a sheet of burn scar on her abdomen… but it didn’t repulse him. He moved towards it and kissed the scar. He then looked up at her. A sheen of moisture, filled those pretty eyes as she looked at him…was she… crying…?

He had undressed and positioned himself on her. He wondered if she was feeling rushed… no it didn’t look like and she didn’t look like someone who could be intimidated.

“…hey… Angie… all Ok…?” he asked.

Her lips trembled as she smiled. “…I will be soon once you get inside of me…”

That was the only invitation he needed. He opened the drawer next to the bed and as expected there were condoms. He picked up one and sheathed himself as she looked at him with dreamy eyes, causing his now painful erection to pierce through the protective latex. He stared into her eyes and as some kind of a mutual understanding passed between them, he slammed into her. He stalled with his eyes shut to enjoy her tight warmth as she circled his hips. She rose her lower back and he got out of his sensual trance. He started to rock with a fervor he never knew existed. She matched him stroke to stroke… and finally, in the next few moments, she convulsed around him holding her lower lip between her teeth, the most erotic vision he had ever experienced. He climaxed the very next moment pouring into her heat all his longing, as his frustration and every other emotion he couldn’t even name. He discarded the condom and came over to rest next to her. She was almost asleep as she snuggled into his bare chest and he could feel himself hardening again. This was also a first for him. Sex had turned from a mere physical gratification to something more… But she looked tired and he wanted her to rest as well. He realized he was tired too after spending the last two nights in constant worry and phone calls with the informers. He barely lasted a couple of minutes promising himself to talk to the beauty the next morning, before sleep claimed him.

He woke up with the sunlight streaming through the blinds right on his face where he had curled to his side of the bed. He shivered with the December chill in the room and he didn’t have to feel the bed next to him to know… Angie was gone. As he moved around feeling the emptiness in the room as well as his heart, he found a little scrawled letter under the pillow. It was written in her neat handwriting, on a page torn off randomly from some pocketbook. It read,

 ‘Stop asking or looking around… it will only cause the ripple effect… go back home and forget everything that happened…’

©priyagole. No part of the story can be copied or shared anywhere without the consent of the writer.

Book review: Maya’s New Husband-I

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Author: Neil D’Silva

The story begins with a young widowed school teacher Maya who is attracted to her strange colleague Bhaskar Sadachari. He subtly pursues her and in spite of the opposition from her family she ties the knot. Her like takes a 360degree turn in a way she hadn’t anticipated in her wildest dreams. She realizes she didn’t know anything about her new husbands who is an enigma and she is terrified and intrigued about him at the same time. Bhaskar is portrayed as a follower of the Aghori cult, and a believer and follower of cannibalism and self inflicted punishments. He kills people randomly for gustatory gratification and also to atone for his ‘sins’ in his own way.

Pros: the author has kept up with the flow throughout the book without causing undue breaks which hooks the reader till the end. The language use is very good too. The authors efforts in researching mythical details is commendable. The cover is brilliantly designed and apt. The author has carved a niche for himself in the genre.

Cons: Maya is an educated and intelligent woman and for someone of her caliber, based on her character build up, its difficult to endorse the fact that she gave in to sheer carnal attraction and married the strange guy. Even after marriage she is shown to find justification in every anomalous nuances pertaining her husband, even though he forces himself on her… literally and figuratively. The entire scenario doesn’t seem plausible. The method of killing and the gruesome description every single time eventually becomes redundant by the time it reaches the climax.

However its overall an interesting read and not recommended for the faint hearted who dislike reading gory details of the human anatomy out of its place post murder!

Available in both paper back and kindle formats.

Book review: Yakshini

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Author: Neil D’Silva

This book marked my foray into the horror genre. I stay away from horror books and TV/movies for obvious reasons that have me sweating away and not being able to sleep in the dark!! This was a recommended try and it made for a cool read.

A couple on earth who is expecting their seventh child performs a special yagna which goes wrong opening the pathway to a special realm hidden by clouds en route to Heaven. As a result a banished yakshini (celestial being) enters the body of the fetus and she is confounded to live in there till the end of the child’s life cycle. But as fate has it the two lives in the same body get intertwined. Meenakshi the child who is now possessed grows up rather quickly into a besotting fifteen year old girl. She has a strange kinship with nature very well expressed by the author. What follows is a tug-of -war between the two beings, Human vs non-human. The latter’s hatred for men destroys every chance of happiness that Meenakshi strives to achieve as a young girl and wife. It threatens to destroy everyone in her path and eventually takes her on a path to self-destruction.

The book is wonderful folklore garnished with mythological bits. The language is lucid and simple to read for the common masses. Overall an interesting read before I embark on the next level of the genre!

Available in both Kindle and Paperback versions.

Book review: An Unusual Honeymoon

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Author: Mamta Kashyap

An unusual honeymoon takes you straight into a fantasy world of Bollywood romcoms minus the crap dolled out these days. This is a simple yet an emotional roller coaster of a love story.

The story belongs to the female protagonist Mahaswetha (and I love the name, unlike the lady herself) through and through. Betrayed by her fiancée a couple of days before the big fat wedding, she goes for her honeymoon, determined to salvage her career. For those who feel its in line with the Kangana Ranaut movie ‘Queen’, well, the similarity ends right here. She meets an enigma of a handsome hunk at the destination and what happens later changes her life for good.

Personally I love the authors portrayal of the female character who is body shamed often but at the end of the ordeal she loves herself above everything and that I believe is important. It teaches us to accept ourselves, flaws and all and that love is not just skin deep. Overall well written and leaves the reader smiling even after the book has ended.

Recommended read. Available in both Kindle and paperback formats

The Ricochet

Anshuman Khanna had only one mission in life… to find his missing sister Meera. After a decade of the unending ordeal, he did get the news… that she was dead. But still, the bereaved brother within him grappled with closure. Giving up his life in Hissar he moved to Goa where Meera breathed her last, hoping to pick up the pieces of his broken heart.

Would he find the much-needed solace and some semblance of inner peace in the calming Varca seas? Or will the internal hightide pull him deeper to a point of no return…?

Stay with Anshuman as he meanders a roller coaster in Goa which will tug at his heart strings in the manner he least expected.

#retribution #chanceatlove #heartbreaks #vendatta

 

 

Simrat had battled demons of the worst kind and now as a single parent, she is besieged with fear and agony to protect the only person close to her heart. Her well guarded tough veneer is threatened to be broken into and she has to be very careful. For it’s not just her heart that can crumble but also the long-held secret which will put her loved ones in jeopardy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He wasn’t born evil. He had never wanted to do what he did… he was softhearted and eventually lovelorn, having lost the only woman he loved. Was it wrong to fight for a piece of your heart…?

 

    Book review: Stepsister

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    Author Jennifer Donnelly

    I just stepped out of a fairy tale fantasy…

    The Stepsister is a continuation of the quintessential Cinderella fairy tale which takes off from where Cinderella’s story ends in her happily ever after. The story is about her step-sister Isabelle. The Story isn’t about good vs bad or ugly vs beautiful. The story is all about grit, determination, bravery despite all odds, and the resilience in tackling the curveballs thrown by dear life.

    Isabelle was always known as the ugly and ruthless stepsister who tortured Cinderella and now that the tables have turned she is miserable. She is left to fend for her eccentric mother and a nerdy sister Octavia. She has lost everything… her horse Nero, the love of her life Felix and self respect. She had willed herself to ‘FATE’ even as she thinks all that she needs is to be pretty. However CHANCE throws opportunities at her and though she is confused in the beginning she embarks on a journey towards self realization. She begins to carve the path to her inner self and beliefs. Finally she finds the pieces of her heart she didn’t know existed and thus leads a revolution, fulfilling her dreams.

    The book begins with the gut-wrenching account of how she cuts off her toes to fit into the proverbial glass slipper. Isabelle is shown to be wry about her mother’s plans for her over Cinderella. However she gives in to the disillusioned grandeur and then jealousy eventually burning in their wrath.

    FATE ALWAYS PREVENTS THE HUMAN FROM TAKING HOLD OF CHANCE… The book is filled with beautiful metaphorical gems which touch your heart and teach you the importance of beauty not being skin deep but something way above everything. the strong feminine virtues keep the reader hooked till the end. Definitely a well recommended masterpiece.

    Available both as paperback and kindle editions.

    NO…means…NO

    My entry for the short story contest:

    NO means NO…

    Revati emerged out from the posh Alvira housing society gates well into the night. It was post 2 AM and she was in a rush to reach home. Her body was all sore with the grind she had been put through the last four hours but the job paid well and she needed every penny for her little Guddi’s heart surgery. Revati strutted towards the auto stand and was glad to see Maganbhai her neighbor autorickshaw driver.  Spotting her from the long distance he waved and got into the three-wheeler to keep it ready. Revati’s figure-hugging shimmering gown prevented long strides in the painful stilettoes, now digging into her feet. She had to pass a small stretch of the lane in dark, the streetlight gone kaput. Holding her clutch close to her full bosom she quickened up her pace.

    Suddenly she felt another presence and before she could react a rough hand cupped her mouth painfully and muffled her cries for help. The man reeked of alcohol and drugs and she was motionless as he crushed her close to him. She felt his rigid hard-on prodding her lower back and was instantly repulsed. Her heart raced millions of miles per second as he groped her breast. Turning her towards the wall he slammed into her mouth making her taste blood “NO…NO…”  she screamed. But he tore her gown outraging her modesty… Right then the attacker was lifted off her as a burly Magan pulled the man. Soon the night patrol police constable arrived and signaled for his partner and in the next few minutes a little crowd of curious nocturnal onlookers filled her perimeter, more interested in what lay beneath the torn gown. The policeman held the perp by the collar and slapped him.

    The man stood wavering. “…she is… Rosy… a bloody call girl… what difference does one more make tonight….?” he spoke in his drunken rage, spittle flying through his wasted mouth.

    The policeman slapped him two more times. “…irrespective of the time… or the woman’s professional choice… when a woman says No… it’s a NO…”

    Magan took Revati away…

    © All rights reserved with the Author and no part of this can be copied or published anywhere without the author’s consent

    life, thou art tough…

    Chapter 6 (final chapter)

    After an hour of sobbing, I was still lying on the floor in my room staring at the cobwebs gathered under the cot visible through the moonlight streaming in from the blinds. I had not even switched on the fan and I was about to drown in my own sweat. I pulled myself up and walked into the tiny attached bathroom. As I took a cold-water bath fresh tears began their assault as I wondered what Anand must have gone through all these years. Never in these four years had I ever seen him complain or bad mouth anyone. He brought out the goodness in everyone around him irrespective of how they treated him. Being a doctor, I was even more shattered knowing the grim reality of his situation, though the details were still elusive. But nothing changed the way I felt for him… if anything I was now deeper in love with this twister of a personality. No… I wouldn’t let him suffer alone… not after knowing how he felt about me. I had to talk to him…

    After spending the next few hours twisting and turning in the heat, I gave up. When dawn arrived announcing its amber presence through my window I freshened and dressed up, covering my head with a stole with a hope to hide my swollen eyelids. I didn’t know where he lived so I texted him. ‘We have to talk Anand… please for one last time… I leave for home today evening… please meet before that…’

    He had seen the text immediately which meant he was awake but for a while there was no response. I knew any amount of pestering wouldn’t work with him and I had no option but to wait. I had a cup of coffee in our cafeteria refusing to make eye contact with anyone around, after the fiasco in the party last evening. I didn’t care and I wasn’t in any mood to answer questions. I breezed out of the cafeteria and bumped into my date for last evening. Dr. Raj nodded and looked away sheepishly. I nodded back at him realizing I didn’t hate him anymore… at least he became the catalyst for the showdown with Anand last night. I just walked away. Finally, after an excruciating wait of an hour Anand texted me. ‘Meet me at Meenanagar supermarket in half an hour…’

    It was close by and I was there before time wringing my fingers as I waited in anticipation of the unknown. The market place was quiet as I looked around standing in the center quadrangle. Some shops were just opening their shutters and doing their routing cleaning by brooming or watering the area outside their shops before they lined their wares extending outside the shop limits. Just as the time was up, I heard his bike approaching. He halted beside me gestured me to get on pillion and I just went ahead on auto pilot… no questions asked. We rode for about an hour and my back began to ache. Finally, we reached a building Which looked like a hospital but was actually an NGO. The board read, ‘Thirumalar centre for Rehabilitaion of the third gender’.

     I stared at the glow sign board bearing the iconic Subramanium picture beside the name and looked back at Anand who looked at me with his sleep deprived blood shot eyes, as if watching my reaction. He looked back at the building and sighed. “…Soumya… I don’t even know why I brought you here… but since you asked and before you… can come to your… conclusions, you need to know more… beyond medical barriers…”

    “…What place is this Anand…?”

     “… This is where I spent three years of my life… this is the place which helped me cope… with what I went through… it made me feel wanted irrespective…of everything…It gave me the belief that I could do anything… So Soumya… I wanted you to see… this…” He gestured at the building.

    I held his hand. “…Anand… I thank you for trusting me to… bring me here… but before that I need to hear about everything from the beginning… so will you tell me…? If… it isn’t painful enough…?”

    Anand nodded and this time he didn’t jerk away his hand. Instead, he tightened his grip on mine and took me to the corner of the luscious lawn and sat on the farthest bench. As I took in the morning breeze blended with floral scents form the garden and also the mindless chirping of our avian companions, I saw a few men in loose clothing which was their uniform, in different parts of the garden. A couple of them waved to Anand and he waved back at them with a little smile. All this while his hand was intact in mine and I just wanted it to remain like that…

    Anand sighed looking at the nearest guy a few meters away who was trimming the hedges. “I was the second born in my household where only my father had stayed behind to manage the estate in Thirukoshtiyur. All his brothers had migrated ages ago and my grandfather’s wish was to breathe his last in the village which brought him a lot of prosperity and given him everything he had desired. He is a staunch follower of Lord Vishnu and is a regular at all the events of the Sowmyanarayana Perumal Temple…. He was on the seventh heaven after my birth realising… that his bloodline in the village would continue… I have two sisters and the younger sister…I believe she is of your age… in fact we all studied in the same school… I remember seeing your brothers…”

    “…It was Kirti…right…?”

    He nodded and now his line of vision moved to the water sprinkler as he continued. “…My grandfather’s only nemesis was Vishnu Narayan Iyengar… your grandfather…and their views countered and colluded on every single area… be it religion, rituals, politics, decision making… just about anything…. Very often my grandfather had the upper hand given that he was educated and well versed with accounts… even the temple trustees consulted him on financial matters and that was a feather in his cap… But all that changed…overnight…”

    His grip on my hand tightened and I could feel his anguish. “…Soumya… I was a sports person… tall for my age… and often participated in athletics representing our school… So, when I observed the non-painful lump around my testicles, as a 11 year old … I didn’t really bother… By the time my condition came to light I was diagnosed with stage II testicular cancer… I was only 12 years old and pubertal… My father took me away to Chennai to the best hospital of those times which handed cancer surgeries related to the gonads… I had to go under the knife… only a part of a single testes remains functional… that… was just the beginning of the long harrowing ordeal…”

    Anand hunched his back and I felt his shudders. I let go of my hand and hugged him from the side, my little frame not enough for his tall one. “…Anand if it’s painful…”

    “…No Soumya…” he wiped his eyes. “…It’s now or never… I have never told this to anyone… But if you don’t want to…”

    “…Of course, not Anand…” I interlocked my fingers in his after linking my arm through his and got as close to him as possible and I felt his relax. “…Anand, I want to know everything… please tell me…”

    “…I underwent sessions of chemotherapy and also radiotherapy along with physiotherapy spread over a period of two years… I had to leave school and hence I am older than my batchmates… I underwent reconstructive surgeries over a period of time… I went through rigorous counselling sessions…  and eventually some years ago, had to be given testosterone injections too… because I couldn’t… you know…” He looked away stiffening. I caressed his palm joined to mine encouraging him to continue. We were both doctors… and best friends at that. He didn’t have to shy away from me. He spoke. “…My grandfather was extremely disappointed in my condition after the doctors declared I could never sire a child let alone physically pleasure a woman…He stopped talking to me and felt the procrastinating stares following him in the village though my condition was a well-kept secret. Somehow your grandfather got wind of it… and he began to threaten my grandfather to bow to his whims else… he would reveal about me to the entire village… So, my grandfather did just that… till your older cousin eloped…and the balance tilted once again… But a lot of water had passed under the bridge by then. I was a wreck and took to drugs… My mom passed away and my sisters were packed off to the hostel to complete their studies… for which they still blame me… My father then got me here…” Anand sighed and looked around.

    We sat still for a few moments, as I assimilated what I heard so far, my feelings for this man only growing by the minute. He finally spoke. “…Do you know Soumya…in Tamil Nadu itself there are about 30000 eunuchs as of today… some born like that and some like me… medically caused ones…and do you know the miserable life they lead…? I leant all about that during my 3 years stint here. I finished my school studies till 12th grade right here… My father arranged the tutors and I did the rest… But the biggest lessons I learnt were… the curve balls life threw…. I realized… I couldn’t go back and change anything… but I could start where I was and try to change the ending… and that’s why I decided to become a doctor…My aim in life is to work towards the upliftment of this community which in spite of being given a gender status in 2011, still lives in despondency… so many beg, get into prostitution… and finally die unheard and unsung… Soumya…” He turned towards me. “…I …always wanted to do something for them… because my friends here taught me…to show respect to even people who don’t deserve it… because it’s a reflection of my character and not theirs… and that’s why I like to elicit laughter form people around me… it gives them pleasure at least for those few seconds…” He looked earnestly into my eyes and at moment he was just a little boy who yearned of acceptance.

    I smiled blinking back tears. “…Anand…I am so proud to have you as my friend… so proud to have known such a wonderful person and … my love for you has grown notches higher today…”

    His eyes filled as he struggled to maintain his composure. “…Sou…Soumya… do you still… in spite of… knowing about me…?”

    I nodded. “…Of course, Anand… You are way beyond all this…and I am with you in every step of the way…”

    He smiled a weary one and looked down at our clasped hands. “…Do you know Soumya…? My doctors had given up on my… I just couldn’t get it up… never…there was this huge mental block… but that day when you fell and I caught you… the first time I saw you… it stirred… I mean for the first time in my life… I was semi erect and during our first outing together I was full mast… I am sorry about talking in this manner… but it meant a lot… I can’t be a father… my recent reports too reveal a very low sperm count but I can now…get an… erection… and that’s only because of you… for you…” he looked away looking embarrassed. But he kept talking. “…Soumya… you were the only person in this world with whom I could talk about anything under the sky and just be myself… just Anand and not only… a jester…”

    I held his cheek making him look back at me. I wasn’t offended one bit… in fact the doctor in me knew what that meant to him. “…. Anand my answer is the same… and the rest we will figure it out as we move on in life… together…” He nodded blinking away tears and I couldn’t help but tell him. “…Anand… if I ever get together with a guy… it has to be you and no one else… I need you… to talk to, to bicker about… to vent out, to guide me… and then to make me laugh whenever the going gets tough… I need just… you…and I promise I would be there for you…always… you are no longer alone…”

    “… Soumya… I was never alone in the last four years… with you being there as my friend… they were beautiful moments… that’s why I tried to stay away… but I couldn’t…. I was miserable… even recently… it took all courage in the world to let Raj date you… but I felt… you deserved a complete man…”

    “…What is a complete man Anand…?” He looked at me confused as I continued. “…A man is complete not by his physical appearance but by his character, by his thoughts, by his deeds…you were my lifeline Anand, in these four grueling years… still are… It’s my honor to be by your side… like forever…”

    He gave me a hug and we sat there for a while oblivious of our surroundings, lost in our thoughts as I bathed in the glory of his warmth in his arms. I would not like to trade this for anyone or anything else. He then took me around the center. The three storied building housed training and counseling facilities for the transgenders from all walks of life and different age groups. It was a massive revelation for me. Some of them were dressed as women like the one I was used to see at traffic signals. But they were the most cordial of the lot and exuded warmth like I had never known. My heart went out to these people who were shunned for their looks and despicable behavior which was nothing but a means for them to survive. Being a transgender by birth or by medical means was not a choice… But still so many of them were disowned by families at birth and left to fend for themselves in the big bad world. All they needed is acceptance and compassion and most of all, dignity to a life.

    As I looked at Anand interacting with the staff and the lone doctor in the center my heart swelled with pride. Every second moment I heart laughter and I knew the Jester’s cap actually suited my guy in the true sense of the word. As we left the place, I was a different person with a whole new perspective and I realized I didn’t even worry anymore about what I was to face at home. Anand too had an extra bounce in his steps, his grin that I loved the most had returned and I had renewed energy to fight anything. Anand was accompanying me home today evening and he was to meet my father tomorrow. We both knew what was in store but we had each other’s support and we could conquer the world.

    As our bike zoomed along the highway, I knew, we had our work cut out for us… He was to use his inheritance for the welfare of this group of people and many others who suffered in silence. He promised to fund my studies if I wished to pursue MD. As for me I understood what the Goddess had hinted… I was to study endocrinology.

    Being a jester wasn’t his weakness at all… it was his greatest strength.

    Author note:

    Thank you for reading this story and for the lovely words. As you now know, the topic was highlighting the issues faced by the third gender in our country, albeit in a milder way using fiction. Here is an article which shall give you some insight. Do take time and go through if interested.

     http://thingsasian.com/story/eunuchs-indias-third-gender#:~:text=On%20rare%20occasions%20when%20the,as%20one%20of%20their%20own.

    Ciao… till we meet next.

    Regards,

    Priya.

    © All rights reserved with the Author and no part of this can be copied or published anywhere without the author’s consent

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    the shocking revelation…

    Chapter 5

    I stared at the moon shining brightly in its full glory with the occasional errant cloud passing along and marring its beauty. My vision blurred with every passing second even as I blinked away the moisture which still once in a while escaped the confines of my eyes… As I sniffed back the sobs trying to contain them in, I looked around the sheet of darkness spread across the campus with occasional illumination provided by the streetlights. The library building stairs were hard where I sat and the warm night breeze wasn’t helping much as the drops of the delinquent sweat trickled down my back. Anand sat on the step below staring into oblivion since the last fifteen minutes or so that we had reached here.

    I knew he wouldn’t utter a word and decided to break the ice. “…What was all that about Anand…?” the feeling of being betrayed by my best friend laid heavily on my heart as I fought back tears.

    Anand sighed and moved in a slanting manner as he looked at me for a moment before looking away again. “…Raj… is a great guy Soumya…”

    “…As if I care… what on earth did you think you were doing…?” I was trying my best to contain my vocal intensity which was already accentuated by the solitude around.

    “…I have… I have known Raj since high school… he belongs to this family of doctors and…”

    “…CUT THE CRAP… Anand…” I finally said it aloud exasperation getting the better of me. My tears chose the exact moment to flout my orders and streamed down my cheeks and this time I didn’t bother to swipe them away.

    Anand saw me right then… talk of timing… He looked into my eyes and rubbed his face. “…Fuck…” He said in a breathy voice and looked up at me again. “…Stop crying for God’s sake Soumya…What was so wrong…? I just helped two great people come together…Not that I forced anyone…”

    “…Why Anand… why…? Did I look desperate for a companion…?” I wailed brushing my angry tears away.

    “…Soumya… you will be back home… where there will be a lot of pressure on… getting you married…I thought… if Raj and you clicked…”

    “…Oh God…Anand… can you hear yourself…? You know my background and my folks… they are greatly awaiting my return to tie me down to the man they have… chosen for me… I have struggled… all these years to break free of the shackles… why…? Only to have you tie me down with a new one here…? No Anand no…I have enough people to think for me and don’t need my only friend to join the party…”

    “…Raj is way better than that asshole your family has selected for you…”

    WHAT…? How did he know…?

    “…Anand what the fuck are you talking about…?” I didn’t mind my language at all… I wasn’t in my senses anyway. “…How on earth do you know who he is…? Even I don’t have an idea…”

    Anand sighed yet again. He looked at me with a strange expression… Never in the four years that I have known him did I ever see that on his handsome face. “…Soumya…? Do you know my name…? My full name…?”

    What was he asking out of the blue? “…Um… you write your name as S. Anand P H…” I just realized I had never bothered to ask him the full form of his initials. “…By the way… what do they stand for…?”

    “…Its… Shimoga Anand Padmanabha Hebbal…” He said looking unblinking into my eyes.

    For a moment I was lost but then realization dawned and my eyes widened. “…You belong to…”

    “…Yes… the Hebbal family in Thirukoshtiyur… My grandfather is still living… I was there till I the age of twelve after which I moved… Currently my cousins are there for the vacations and… I found out information… the guy approved by your folks is apparently public knowledge… I did a background check… turns out he was involved in forgery in the company he worked and tying the knot with you is a way to clean up his image… his father wants to get into politics next year… what better than getting support from your grandfather…?”

    My heart sank further. Though I wasn’t in agreement with my parents about settling the knot, hearing my apprehensions being spoken out aloud hurt. I bent my knees closer to my body and hugged them tightly as if the gesture would drive away everything. What had Lord Vishnu thought for me… if that was what He wanted, then why did he let me come so far…? Was this actually the end of the road for me?

    “…Soumya… listen to me please…” Anand pleaded. “…Please talk to Raj… mend up your relationship with him… I will talk to him…”

    “…Stop it already Anand… I don’t want to fall from the frying pan into the fire… and there was nothing between Raj and I… I don’t have any feelings for him…”

    “…Soumya… don’t do that…don’t ruin your life…” Anand spoke softly, an earnest look passing his features.

    “…Why Anand…? Just tell me the truth…”

    “…What do you want to know Soumya…?”

    “…Why…? Why do you want me to be with Raj…?”

    “…because he is a wonderful guy…In fact if you don’t like him then I shall find you another one… someone who can take good care of you…”

    “…WHY Anand…?” didn’t the idiot understand my question at all?

    Anand gave me a puzzled look and stood up. I followed him and from my higher step I could look into his eyes. “…GIVE ME THE FUCKING ANSWER… WHY…?” I clenched my jaw as I spoke.

    “…What is it you want to know, Soumya…?”

    “…Why do you want to find… a man… for me…?” I was losing steam now.

    “…Because, I want to see you settle with someone… who deserves you…”

    “…Why Anand…” I held the lapels of his jacket this time letting my tears flow unhindered.

    “…Soumya… please… listen to me…” He rubbed his face. He looked so distraught my heart went out to him despite everything that had transpired.

    I shook his jacket. “… why… why… why… fucking…why…?”

    “…BECAUSE I LOVE YOU, damn it…” he held my hands and tightened the grip and released it with lightning speed, as we stared at each other panting away to glory. My heart surged with happiness… finally he told me exactly what I had wanted to hear from him…for ages.

    “…Oh goodness… Anand… was it so difficult to tell me… I have feelings for you as well…But you already know it, don’t you…?”

    “…Stop it Soumya… you shouldn’t like me… at all…” He rubbed his face yet again making me wonder if he wanted to erase his facial features. He started to get down the stairs… what the hell…

    “…Anand wait…” I rushed down to him and held his hand even as he tried to pull away. “…will you explain…? Please…?”

    “…there is nothing to talk about Soumya… WE…” he indicated waving his hand between us. “…can never happen…?”

    “…I need an explanation Anand… I have been in love with you… for a long time now… don’t I get to know the reason…of being rejected…?” My heart was shattering into pieces, my euphoric bubble long gone kaput.

    “…Soumya… don’t make things further difficult for me…I will be visiting Thirukoshtiyur as well and don’t worry…I will help you escape again…or whatever you decide…”

    “…Anand, I don’t want anything else… I don’t know what future holds for me… but the very fact that I ever met you and fell in love with you… here… this is the ultimate truth… so even if you are not interested in… taking this further… that’s fine… I … I can handle that as well… but don’t you dare… try setting me up with someone else…I can fight the world… but I can’t fight you…”

    “…Soumya…don’t…”

    I held up my hand to stop him before I broke down totally. “…Anand…just answer me one last time…do you… really love me…?”

    Anand rolled his eyes and looked away. He stood with his hands on his hips and staring at the ground. He sighed and looked up into my eyes and I saw a sheen of moisture shining in those beautiful orbs. “…Soumya… I fell in love with you the very first time I saw you in that gown on your freshers party day… and that unruly messed up curls flying all over the place…” I couldn’t believe my ears as he continued. “…it’s been sheer torture for me… to stay as friends…but also the best time I ever had…and… I kept away after I finished graduation but… it was futile… I couldn’t stay away from you…” He ran a trembling hand through his hair… that was something I had always wanted to do. “…It’s all mess Soumya… I tried everything under the sky to keep away…”

    “…Why Anand…” I spoke softly on the verge of giving up but this was my last chance

    “…You don’t deserve someone like me…Soumya…” His voice cracked and I saw his throat bobbing up and down as if he were struggling to contain his emotions.

    I held his hand but he jerked it away. “…No Soumya… no… lets end this here… I promise I will never see you again…”

    “…Don’t decide for me Anand…I have enough people to do that…Just tell me why not…?

    “…Forget it Soumya… go to the hostel… its late…”

    “…You are right for once Anand… it is late… very late… but at least I know about your feelings now… just tell me the reason you don’t want to be with me… I promise never to trouble you ever again…”

    “…Soumya… please go…”

    “…is it my family background…? Are you ashamed of them…?”

    “…No…Soumya…”

    I was clinging to every thread I could find. “…Is it my plain looks…? Am I not…I mean… am I not even an average looker…?”

    “…God no… Soumya…” he held me by my shoulders. “…The problem is me… the fault is me… I am flawed Soumya… you can’t… be with me…”

    I held his elbows locking the position. “…Please Anand… this is killing me… tell me the fucking… reason…” I was losing my sanity

    He let his hands fall and sat back on the stairs holding his head in his hands. I touched his shoulder and sat besides him. He turned towards me still avoiding eye contact. “…Sou…Soumya… when I was 12 years old… I got diagnosed with Testicular cancer… stage II … I got operated to save my life… but it left permanent damage…” He then looked up at me as tears started to flow down his cheeks and he wiped them away. Was it what I thought it was…? My heart was running a marathon. He must have judged by my looks and continued.

    “…You are right Soumya… its exactly what you think… I had to undergo orchiectomy (removal of one or both testes) … and barely a part of one of them remains… so…” he stood and looked down at the ground yet again and spoke as his voice cracked. “…I cannot have children ever… and even the possibility of… physically satisfying a woman is… rare… so I am what we medically refer to… a Eunuch…”

     He swiftly walked away from there into the darkness, leaving me behind, a mortified mess as I ran to my hostel room and crumbled into a heap of tears.

    © All rights reserved with the Author and no part of this can be copied or published anywhere without the author’s consent

    (Medical Definition of eunuch: a man or boy deprived of the testes or external genitals.)